Double Date . . . or our "other couple friends" . . . JARED!

So, I always thought that I would be one of those people who made sure (even after I had kids) to regularly go on dates with my husband. I am a marriage and family therapist after all and recommend this often to my clients. However, I am not one of those people. It's something to work on. But, here was our glorious exception. We went on a double date with our wonderful friends, Jared and Charla. We went to paint yourself silly, a place downtown lincoln where you choose a piece of pottery to paint. Then we went out to eat at a fun Italian restaurant in the Lincoln haymarket. It was a wonderful night.

Charla and I are choosing our pieces, colors, and designs. It was a good thing we started early, as it took all four of us an hour just to decide what we wanted to make. It was fun because we were all procrastinators at making our final decision so we felt no pressure to hurry up and get started!

The next two pictures are of us working hard. Well, some of us. Jared was more interested in making funny picture poses.

Notice me ignoring him and continuing to work diligently.

Yeah! The finished products. Jared made a cookie jar painted to look like the world; Charla made his and her mugs; Bryan made an artist's palette; and I made a cup and saucer set. Seriously, this is the most fun we have had in a long time. It was a relaxing atmosphere, inspired creativity, and a shared time with some of the dearest people on the planet to us. Bryan and I definitely need to get out as just a couple more often.

Below is Jared and I posing. Just to let you know a little about this guy--he is super hilarious and constantly doing pranks. One time he made me hold his hand walking into a restaurant to see Bryan's reaction. Bryan didn't even react. It was super disappointing. Next time I'll make Bryan hold Jared's hand. 

The four of us:

All in all, we had a great time. Unfortunately we didn't remember to take the camera to the restaurant, so all the funny things that happened there are only recorded in our minds. I will say that the waitress told us she couldn't split our check up because "we don't usually do that here." Seriously? That one had us laughing for a long time. "I'm sorry, we don't normally seat people with their friends here." Or "I'm sorry, we don't normally bring refills here. We just can't do that." These were some of the lines being said at our table after we were refused splitting the check up. 

It was super refreshing to be around "young love" as Jared and Charla have been dating for four months and it made Bryan and I reminisce about our own first months of hopeless romance :-). 

Thanks Jared and Charla. We love you guys!!!

Why I love my sister . . . .

Reason # 1:

She gets me. Like no one else. A cup of tea (or phone conversation) while our kids are napping and a heart to heart and I feel like someone has read my soul, understood it, and soothed me all at once. We truly have pieces of each other knit into our own hearts and minds---a bio connection enhanced by a real and intentional friendship!

Reason #2:

She is FABULOUS with children. She is my unending source of parenting advice, ideas, strategies, or just a good ear to hear me reflect what I am learning about or struggling with as a mother. Plus, she ALWAYS thinks my Corban stories are hilarious and has positive feedback to share whenever I feel like I'm not doing a great job. Not to mention, she is such a superb aunt she PLANS ACTIVITIES to do with Corban when we visit (even after she had her own baby!) Like in the picture below, she brought dough and cookie cutters and sprinkles to our last family Christmas then spent a couple hours just one on one with him baking cookies. That is so awesome!

Reason #3: Like I said, she gets me. Who else would stay up at all hours wrapping stocking stuffers . . . . tons of them. She loves Christmas just like I do. I think we would have a year round family Christmas if we could . . . . . 

By the way--we definitely didn't get this from our dad. He gives up after wrapping one gift and puts the rest in plastic bags. Or just hides them in the tree somewhere. Real classy.

Reason #4: The laughter. The laughter. The laughter.

Reason #5: Seriously, are there two cuter cousins? I just LOVE being moms together. This has meant so much to me to grow in our relationship as mothers. Sharing the vulnerable parts of ourselves (like when we lose it with our kids) and helping problem solve issues, validate one another's experiences, and just plain love each other's children.

And so many more reasons . . . .the way she is such a gentle person. The way she strives to follow God's leading in her life. Her extraordinary patience. The way she is so intentional about how she lives her life---whether it's deciding what kind of food to buy and prepare, how to provide art opportunities for her daughter, developing curriculum for her preschool, or her spiritual walk----she does the trivial and monumental things in life with purpose and intention (and usually a good dose of research just for extra fun!) 

Thank you Rebekah for being such an intentional person, for enriching my life with your love and friendship, and for sharing so much of yourself with me. I love you!

About Me . .

So my friend, Katie, "tagged" me in her blog (which I didn't even know you could do) to write a blog about myself. Specifically, a "five things you may not know." So I am obliging. Here are my five, on various levels of vulnerability and you probably wish you didn't know. :-)

1. I love layers. In the winter I am typically wearing three layers. Like, two long sleeve shirts and a sweater. Or, a long sleeve shirt under a short sleeved shirt under a vest. The new short sleeve baby doll sweaters--totally up my ally. I admit, I bought three (ack!) this winter. This corresponds with the fact that I HATE being cold. I have learned that layers are this African girl's answer to the Nebraska winter. The only drawback--layering can be expensive.

2. I love Christmas season. Everything about it. The lights, the music, the cookies, the Christmas tree, the nostalgia. In my family on Christmas eve we tried to make it feel like Christmas by stoking up a huge fire in the middle of the African summer time. We often had the windows and doors open to compensate for the unnecessary warmth. Then we made homemade doughnuts, hot chocolate, and egg nog. We ate till we almost popped and got to open one gift. I want to continue this tradition in my own family. We will be doing it for the first time this Christmas. I am a little nervous about the making doughnuts part. Krispy Kremes anyone? No, I will try for real. 

3. My current weight loss plan is to sit on my duff watching hours of old 24 seasons (my first time to watch them and I am totally hooked) while eating cookies from the cookie dough tubes you can buy at the grocery store. I totally need to get a new plan :-). On the weight topic, I lost 35 pounds of water weight the first week after Corban was born, due to the fact I had preeclampsyia. Yikes--if only I could repeat that!! 

4. I have two most valuable spiritual life lessons to date. One is to really internalize that God's grace reaches me. To understand that I am spiritually free----not to live under an obligatory/check list style of Christianity. The second is one that I have to continually work on and work on and work on. This is understanding that my approval and worth comes from God---the fact that I am made in his image and his child. I don't need the approval of others but can rest in the fact that I am designed to live out the Christ in me and nothing more. I have a huge tendency to seek approval and try to be really good at whatever I do (parenting, decorating, teaching, counseling, whatever . . . ). I am learning to rest in the love of my creator and not care about my status or the way I am perceived in the world.

5. If I could make on wish come true it would be that I could live by my sister. And by my mom. Without giving up living by my Heartland's family. And this location would be on a beach. But it would have winters with snow for Bryan. I guess I can't wait for my heavenly home when all the pieces of me can finally come together in one place and I can feel whole. 

That's all. These were totally random and just came to me as I was typing. 

Ha Ha--One more thing (reminds me of the John Mayer song . . .)

6. About the pic: I had a hard time finding one of just me (I thought that would make the most sense). Corban is in ALL our pictures from the last two years. This one was taken for an event that we did called "Displace Me" where we camped out in a park with thousands of other people in homemade cardboard shacks to emulate a refugee/displacement camp. It was one of the more social activist type things I've done. My brother James got us into it. We were pretty much the only people there with a baby (Corban was eight months or so) and it was a great experience---put on by invisible children.

OK---I'm supposed to tag some others. So, I tag Julie, Rebekah, Robin, and Jared to do the same.

A Day with Elliana!

One of Bryan and I's favorite "couple friends" Stephen and Niki live about an hours drive away in good old York, Nebraska. Last week Corban and I headed in and spent the afternoon hanging out with them and their sweet daughter, Elliana. Niki and I share a lot of parenting ideals so it is always such a blessing to be around each other and each other's children---bouncing ideas off each other, negotiating our toddler's aggressive/possessive behaviors together, laughing at their hilarious antics, cooing over their adorableness, and sharing the blessed moment of a long heart to heart over a cup of tea during one of my favorite times of the day . . . nap time! 

One of their favorite activities . . . . .Corban pushing Elliana in her super cool radio flyer car. Corban is a cautious child so he was very content to stay in the pushing role. If he ventured to climb INTO the car, Elliana would come running over to push him too (I think she is used to taking turns in the different roles). Well, Corban would have none of it. As soon as she neared, he would take a dive out the car door. He was NOT interested in being pushed. Niki did mention this might be a good thing as Elliana has the tendency to be a reckless driver :-).

They played this hilarious game at lunch. It was basically "who can scream louder." One of them would start to yell, and then the other would try to yell over him/her. It was truly a competition, maybe one we should have curbed, but we were too busy laughing hysterically.

And despite some power struggles over various toys, they really do love each other! They both like to kiss and hug, so we had plenty of that going one too :-).

On a side note, if you are wondering why Corban has no pants on, it's because he kept wanting to show Elliana the cool spiderman pictures on his underwear. So, this was the solution I finally came to. 

Thank you Niki, Stephen, and Elliana for a wonderful day. We love you guys!

Lead Now--take two

So I wrote this post about two weeks ago, unfortunately in a word document which I CANNOT figure out how to paste into my blog. So I am finally getting up the energy to retype it. I warn you, this is a long post that is my reflections on a conference I attended, so please know in advance what you are getting into . . . . no fun pictures, just lots of rachel ramblings about my inner thoughts . . . .

The original title was:

"Swirly Head"

(My brother, James, said this was not a good idea for a title, but I'll go ahead and leave it in :-))

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the LEAD NOW conference. This is a conference geared toward inspiring leaders who are committed to reaching the next generation of Christians--I am so blessed to be a part of a church that sponsored such an event. We got to hear from Erwin McManus, Francis Chan, Donadl Miller, Margaret Feinber, Matt Chandler, and others. Any of you who have heard any of those people speak will know we got fed a tremendous spiritual meal that was inspirational, challenging, and entertaining all at once.

Anyway, I was moved by several things throughout the day and ended up with what I termed "swirly head." That is, I had so many thoughts swirling around up there I had a hard time grasping onto any one of them. This generally leaves me feeling overwhelmed and likely to cry at the drop of a hat. Anyone been there? When you know God has spoken to your heart and you just don't know quite what it is going to mean or how it is all going to come together, but it leaves your mind whirling and your emotions heightened and fragile. So I wanted to blog some of the "nuggets" I am taking away from the conference. These are things that resonated deeply with me and hopefully will become integrated into how I walk with Christ.

From Francis Chan:

"Courage comes from intimacy with God." 

I loved this thought. About a month ago I was at a ladies retreat and the speaker said that when we are making a decision we should ask ourselves, "what would I do if I was not afraid?" So, that thought has been one I've been meditating on . . . .add to that Chan's component, that courage comes from intimacy with God, and the whole concept becomes so much more powerful. I can act without fear BECAUSE I know WHOSE I am. I know I have God's approval so I need not fear the disapproval from others. I know I have God's love, so I need not fear being unlovable. If I can see Christ ever before me, I do not fear others reactions, opinions, or words but act out of COURAGE that comes from a relationship in God. Loved that!

From Erwin McManus:

"If my greatest dream became my life, would it make the world a better place?"

McManus challenged us to consider what our dreams are. What do you hearts yearn for? Is it something that would bring good into the world? If so, take the risk to start achieving it no matter how big the dream. McManus is a HUGE inspiration to follow the yearnings in our hearts as "God ordained" and fulfill the greatest good we can do. We should live every day to unleash the dream burning inside of us. He reminded us not to "live lives of obligation, but to live lives of passion."

From Margaret Feinberg:

The statement that Margaret made that resonated SO DEEPLY with me was "Is this all there is?"

She described how she has a great husband, home ministry, etc. and yet STILL she has this restlessness in her soul . . . . . in the quiet of the night she lies in bed and thinks "is this all there is?" She took that discontentment to God and wrestled with him about it. In looking through her prayer journal she discovered she had been praying for a spiritual hunger. She now identifies that yearning inside of her for "more" as an answer to that prayer. God continually calls her to a deeper relationshp with him and a more wide reaching service to him.

I don't think I can quite express what this meant to me. All you MK's who read my blog will get this on some level I"m sure (especially if you, like me, are living a comfortable Western life right now). See for me, I grew up around poverty, AIDS, malaria, and all sorts of other tangible, visible human suffering. This was laid across the backdrop of beautiful Kenyan landscapes, vibrant African handshakes and laughs, and family and friends serving to to meet the desperate needs of these people and bring light into the darkness. So now that I live in the Midwest with my sweet husband and beyond precious son, with my dishwasher and garbage disposal, vibrant church family and wonderful group of friends, American convenience and consumer driven culture . . . . I have this undeniable soul yearning . . . "is this all there is . . . for me? is this what I"m supposed to be doing?" Yes, I do see my role as a mother as a vitally important ministry. Yes, Bryan ad I are very involved with our church body and active in many types of ministry. And yet, the question, the restlessness, "is this all there is?"

This is such a challenge for me because i feel this restlessness within and I know a part of it is a TCK (third culture kid) thing where we are destined to be restless regardless of location due to the melding of cultures within us. However, I also truly wonder a lot if our family should be doing something different? Something that is tangibly making a print on the conditions of human suffering in our world. Impacting poverty, hunger, orphans, etc. 

In any case, it was so confirming and wonderful for me to hear someone without that background echo my own heart AND to label that as spiritual hunger. So thank you Margaret! I don't have it figured out yet (what to do with that yearning, what exactly it means) so I am sharing this as a "work in progress" or maybe a "thought in progress" with you . . . I welcome any thoughts or discussion.  Also, I bought her book "Organic God" and would invite any of you who connect to this restlessness to read it alongside me.

OK, last speaker, Matt Chandler.

Matt Chandler's talk was also very powerful for me and I took more away from it than I can possibly summarize here, so I will just give you one nugget. In speaking about the next generation one of the big "buzz words" in ministry circles is that we need to be "relevant." Matt addressed this idea, admitting that he struggles with that term b/c he has seen it being used as an excuse/avenue/reason for a bunch of hip Christians to drink and cuss and be "relevant." He proposed that he does not see a great need for us to be relevant, but rather to be obedient. If we obey Christ, we will bring his life and light into the world by being gracious to others. Christ came to give us life to the fullest, and that is what we have to offer people. A full, abundant, life. That will ALWAYS be relevant, no matter the generation/context/culture. I really appreciated this particularly after working with college students for four years and seeing in them a great shift in wanting to accept and love all types of people, address social injustice, and "get the church out of the pew"----yet often that is not paired with a pursuit of holiness. The focus is so much on being "relevant" that concepts like spiritual disciplines and character development are less (if any) of a focus. It was refreshing to hear someone reframe the concept of "getting the church out of the pew" simply as obedience to Christ.

Well, that's all folks. If you made it though all that you have already developed the spiritual gift of perseverance. Any and all of these speakers have books and resources available if you want to look further into what any of them said. Thanks for listening! (ok reading . . .)

Let the Holidays Begin!!

The day after Thanksgiving we went to a tree farm to pick out our Christmas tree. It was a wonderful, festive day and Bryan was a great photographer so I wanted to share some pics. 

At the tree farm and ready to go, notice how much he can probably maneuver with those gloves on :-):

A precious learning moment: It's prickly mom!

Corban loved running through the aisles of trees:

Finding the perfect tree . . . . We sure do love our boy!

             

                

Hmmm, which color of ball should I put up next?

 

Putting the angel on top:

And the finished product. . . (Note we are all in stocking caps. This was due to the fact that we all took a nap after getting the tree and before decorating, and thus truly all had really bad hair. So, problem solved . . .we just look wintry, right?)

Thank you Aunt Mandy for sharing in our family fun of decorating the tree. We love you!

My Therapist Thoughts on God

As a therapist I have encountered some of my most meaningful "God lessons" and one of those has been resurfacing for me again lately. As I sit with my clients, who are precious children of God, I am struck by the depth of human suffering, pain, and tragedy that many of us endure. And typically speaking, this suffering is the result of human sin. Of course, there is suffering due to totally external events like natural disasters, but almost all relational pain is a result of sin. Not the client's sin necessarily, but sin somewhere down the road whose devastating effect has rippled into his/her life. Harshly spoken words, violations of sexual boundaries, broken promises, abuses of power, bitterness and resentment being harbored within hearts, impatience and a lack of self control, a pattern of drunkenness, breaking marital vows, sex outside of marriage, or a lack of love. Sin. Sin begets death. Death of spirit, death of heart, death of families  . . . . . As I see the impact of decisions made or actions taken outside of God's laws for us, I am continually struck by the underlying message in all of this:

God loves us. His laws are beautiful. They are there to protect us. Not an obligation. A protection. Hedging us in from what is unsafe, impure, and painful. God's laws are laws of love.

So, being a therapist and hearing messy, tragic stories on a regular basis has taught me to "delight in the laws of God." To really internalize and "get" that. The words that come to my mind as I was again reflecting on this tonight were "basking in the love of God"---feeling washed over with his love and protection. Understanding that he is not a God of obligation. That his laws are designed to give us heaven on earth------So, here's to basking in the love of God!

General Update

Anyone who follows my blog will soon discover two things (as if you didn't already know):

1. I am a night owl. I love the peace of night when my family is asleep, the house is quiet, and I have some strange reserve of energy that comes to life at 11:00 pm. Don't ask what I am like in the morning. Most of you already know.

2. I am long winded. Good luck ever seeing a short entry from me. 

For those of you that I have been out of touch with, haven't talked to in years, etc. I wanted to give a general update of where things are at for the Barnacles. So here goes:

I worked for York College for the last four years (2004-2008) as an Assistant Professor of Psychology and therapist in our campus counseling center.

Bryan has been working for Lincoln Public School for the past six years. He teaches mostly Literature of the Holocaust, Creative Writing, and Writing Essentials. Writing essentials is highschool kids who need remedial help with writing skills, the other two are upper level literature electives. This means that he gets quite a variety of students from motivated seniors to students whose first language is not English so they are behind in their reading/writing. He is so gifted with the students. Seriously, I have visited him at school and he is like a celebrity in that building. Walking down the hall, every other student, office assistant, and librarian is like, "Hey Mr. B," "Mr. B"---wanting to tell him some tidbit about his/her life or day. It is really cool how he related to and connects with his students. Last year he won "teacher of the year" award from Walmart. He has a T-shirt and everything----he will be so thrilled I told you that :-).

Two years ago we had our first child, Corban. Corban's name is taken from Mark 7:11 and means "a gift devoted to God." He was a suprise (thus a gift) and has been the light of our life ever since.

                                                             

After Corban was born I cut way back at York and was only teaching one class a semester and carrying a quarter time client load. After doing that for two years I decided to resign completely and focus more energy on being at home. This brought about several exciting changes.

First, we moved to Lincoln. We had been living in Seward (a small town in between York and Lincoln) and were both commuting  about 35 miles one way. We are thrilled to now be living FOUR MINUTES from Bryan's work. It has literally given us at least eight hours a week of time that would previously have been in the car. We are so happy to also be in the same city where our church is as it allows us to be more involved with different ministries. It is also a blessing to be able to immerse ourselves into one community instead of three. I feel spread less thin.

Second, I got hired by Heartlands Church (our church home) to provide counseling to our church members or people referred from within our church. I am considered a "quarter time" which is a client load of about five clients a week. I am able to do this two evenings a week after Bryan gets home from school. This is so ideal and the hugest blessing---I get to stay current in my field, I get to work in a Christian environment, I get to bless my church family as my job, and I essentially get to do all of this while being a stay at home mom. How perfect!

Back to Corban. I absolutely, positively, ADORE being a mother. Corban bring tremendous joy, love, and yes at times frustration and exasperation into my life. He is a hilarious kid with a lot of his daddy's personality---goofy, social, engaging, and lights up the room with his one of a kind absolutely the best ever "sparkly eyed" smiles. I can't tell you how many people have told me he has the most sparkly eyes they have ever seen. Of course, beyond the fact that he is socially engaging and fantastically handsome, he is also intelligent, artistic, athletic, and . . . . . .OK I'm just joking. He is all those things :-) but I am a balanced mom, I promise! Well, no doubt he will be the most common topic of the blog, so I will not spend any more time on this. His personality will come alive as I share pictures and stories from our daily life. Here are some pics for now:

   

And for those of you who it's been a reeeeeeeally long time  . . .I went to graduate school at UNL and got my master's in Marriage and Family Therapy, have been married to Bryan for 8! years (time flies . . . ) and STILL live in Nebraska despite numerous attempts and promises taht "this will be the last year and THEN we're moving somewhere else." I have to be honest. I love Nebraska. I love the sunsets, the cornfields, the seasons, the down-to-earth goodness of the people, my beloved friends, and our wonderful church home. There has been a lot of love here and if we ever do transition to another place (who knows?) it will not be without a lot of heartache saying good-bye to all we love and have learned to call home here. All in all, we are happy and content. Surrounded by a loving community, relishing the wonderful days with Corban, and enjoying our work and home.

P.S. Incidentally, I wrote another long post the other night but I wrote it out in Word. Can anyone tell me how in the world I can get it copied into my blog? I am having no luck and really don't want to retype it all.

Diving In

What inspires a mother, at 12:30 am, who knows her day includes a toddler tomorrow, to start a blog? The answer is . . . . looking at all the blogs of the people that I love (Marcums, Brown, Ungers, Campbells . . . ) while delaying going to sleep. And a dose of insanity apparently. Recently I've been updating my parents with all these little stories about Corban and so I decided I should expand my horizons and start blogging. I feel selfish enjoying the pictures and stories of my close friends and family scattered all around the world and not sharing some of my own. So yes, I am officially starting to blog. That is probably all I should say for tonight seeing as I should really go to bed. And don't be too disappointed if this is my last post ever :-). But I am going to try! I think I am supposed to put a cute picture of us here now or something, but I have no idea how to do that. 

20 minutes later: As you can see, I figured it out. This is our dog, Dudley. He is 11 years old and quite relieved that we decided to let him make our recent move to Lincoln, NE with us. However, he is grieving the fact that we moved out of the country and into the city. This is his best, most handsome picture. Since it is 1 am I decided against searching through all of our photos to try and find the perfect family photo to start my blog with. So, you get to see Dudley instead! It was one of the first pictures I opened, and I thought---good enough.